Scene it with Alexander (Salamander) Chard
Hey there Improsarree’s < yep, yep, you’re all involved now in our little world of random delights.
Our first interview is a cracker and its with the one, the only, our very own Improsarrio Alexander (Salamander) Chard. Its hard to explain the nickname, but anyone really wanting to know the origins of such a nickname should direct their queries at Avena (The Hat) Mansergh-Wallace.
Luckily Alex’s profile is shown on our website, here, so I can skip that part and jump right in. All thats left for me to say is that I hope you enjoy.
Lets crack on shall we…
When were you happiest?
As a child growing up in Indonesia but to make that exclusively my happiest moment would be to exclude the many things and people that make me incredibly happy now.
What is your greatest fear?
Mortality and time have begun to freak me out.
What is your earliest memory?
I must have been two or three and it was my mum rubbing eucalyptus oil on my chest after I had a bath.
Which living person do you most admire?
i really admire my lady. she’s super cool
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Laziness…so so lazy..even answering these questions is a struggle.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
self indulgence and having no humility
What was your most embarrassing moment?
Geez I ‘ve had many. So I say to this; I have had many, laughed at all, remembered none.
Property aside, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
My first car, which my dad also paid half for.
What would your super power be?
Changing into animals. Then I could see as a dog if licking your own balls is all its cracked up to be.
hmm, annoying wankers that annoy me for no other reason other than being an annoying wanker and papercuts.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
I’ve never disliked anything too much. My concave chest used to embarrass me a little but now I understand its advantages. It can be used as a soup or salad bowl and is amazing at holding a fruit punch.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Probably Marion Cottilard or Eddie Murphy.
What is the worst thing anyone’s ever said to you?
When I told a teacher in high school that when I was born my mum thought she had to poo or fart and I came out, the teacher said, ‘I guess that’s way your brown’. haha got to love some casual underhand racism.
What is your most unappealing habit?
Biting my bloody fingernails.
What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
I’ve done it once before and i’ll do it again; dressing as Amy Winehouse.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
I’m not going to let any pleasure make me feel guilty.
What do you owe your parents?
everything. probably life is a big one and on a more materialistic note, money. Lots of money.
What does love feel like?
like a victoria sponge. soft and spongey on the outside and creamy on the inside.
Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
I would have an open invite, BUT, i would only let it the first 40 people that can either make me laugh or tickle my interest some how at the door. (disclaimer: ‘tickle my interest’ is not any sort of sexual innuendo)
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
Melodie – I’m sorry I ate your chocolate.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Awesome, cool etc. All the ones that display my higher grasp and wide vocabulary of the english language.
What is the worst job you’ve done?
Victorian Tourism Centre – In Melbourne. Call centre job called calling people selling them dodgy holidays. Demons job. however I came across brilliant surnames like; Blood, Milkins and Poon.
When did you last cry, and why?
Not so long ago. Why? Refer to my fear.
How often do you have sex?
…
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
Probably endeavouring to be more healthy.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
6 years, still going strong!
What keeps you awake at night?
Trying to find the right position to sleep.
How would you like to be remembered?
I’d like to be remembered as that guy from that thing.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Sometimes it just easier to laugh and move on.
Thanks for joining us and we’ll see you next time when we’ll be interviewing the very tall and guest stand-up for our Queens Head gig, Thursday 14th July, Darren Walsh.
All the best
Neil, Neil Man Of Steel x x x